There’s some light in the darkness we belong

I don’t want to read your story sometimes because I feel it’s exaggerated perhaps I don’t want to have your courage because I believe it’s impossible even though that’s what you have written instead I want to make my own story real.

” Sometimes I Wake up in the night thinking my sons are home only to find they went out overnight to some so called disco matangas. ( only in Kenya I guess) I Wonder how they locate this places so easily that their books end up becoming their last choice.”

That was a dad on their way to the shamba during one of my village treks. It got me wondering of the husband I might marry or the husband my daughter will end up with if am told he prefers those than schooling. I don’t claim having fun is a crime but back where I come from fun has been exaggerated even during the wrong occasions and coaxed our brothers into people we wouldn’t look up to for ourselves and daughters and then you wonder where would they then end up at ? . This dad had woken up as early as he could so his sons won’t lack fee while schooling but they cannot see this love of a father and his dream to see his kids make his home better than it is. I felt his tone and I couldn’t stop wondering what was going on in his mind. I wished I could tell him am here and I’d make him happy if that’s what he wanted but no I was on my way somewhere….

I have realised that back here girls are only in a hurry to get married and so are men… What’s wrong with them can’t they see that their future is at risk with so many kids ligned up ? ”

That was my urban friend having paid a visit to his perhaps grandmother and saw what he did not expect.Well for me that was painful normal. I can’t judge either of the parties involved neither can I give an approval of the right choice made. When it comes to this I hold myself responsible how comes I was brought up in the same environment and yet I did not get married at that age was there no something I could do to salvage my friends from that mentality.? Yes there was but I was self centred and did not see what they were lacking so I could give it to them.Sometimes it’s never about their parents but about us too… We need to help them see what their parents could not. That was friendship I broke away from but it is okay now.

As much as am writing, there is nothing I have done about it. We all have excuses we just hope we could one day go beyond them and fight for what is right.

There are stories of successful village boys and girls out there you read them and give yourself some hope but unfortunately this is what the people I’ve grown up with lack…someone to look up to .. Those who succeed vanish and never come back to see whether they left something good behind. We need you back here because your child will need a good learned wife some day and so will your daughter but back here you all left and we lacked who to look up to.

We read your stories only because we have the exposure but not because we can easily access you. Please limit your busy schedules and come back home. Prove to us that despite of that muddy dark invisible village we can still make it. Don’t write your stories because we cannot access them yet come by yourselves and teach us show us that we could come out of this too.

I tend to think if I stopped and had a conversation with that dad I could have changed something look at me now I could not as well convince my friend to offer some help…..

But it’s possible if only we could come back to our roots again

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Being an African village raised woman in the modern world

Hey… I was born in a village brought up in one and schooled in one. I walked like a village girl ate like one and talked the village language. Life was fun more than interesting… I played all sorts of games and even did all sorts of chores for both genders: herding the cattle,getting Nappier grass from the shamba, fetching water from boreholes, water pumps,rivers,and people’s homes, I did dishes learnt to make the African vegetables and even the so called roasted beef.

What did I not do: mention them. I miss my village life I miss the ancient life my great grandma had narrated to me… It’s quite nostalgic… I want it back.. Playing in the sand as kids, learning from the ground, eating together in a grandmother’s house doing dishes with the help of siblings sisters and friends… After which water would be brought in abundance because of the group of the crowd of kids in the home. This is only in Africa I guess.

Yes it doesn’t make sense to crave for the past… It won’t come back anyway.. But every time I remember my great grandma’s narrations I want that life so badly. You tell me… Doesn’t it hurt you to eat alone in the house because there’s no company, after which you’ve got to do dishes all alone probably tuned in music or something… After which you take a nap and wake up worn out in some way. That wasn’t the past life when a neighbor was a sister a passerby was a visitor, a cousin was a sibling…. There was no boredom, worn outs because they worked together lived together ate together and knew what humanty meant to them.

The essence of tradition disappeared the beauty of africanism is longer in existence…. We all want to mimic our colonialists when there’s so much uniqueness bestowed in an African woman the strength,courage hard work and fearlessness … We are strong and our own melanin is exceptional and a true identity of an African resident. Am just saying that Africa has more than we think that as much as we mimic the whites it’s essential not to forget the strength within an African that virtue of sisterhood and brotherhood. Let us embrace the soil on which we were born and never forget to pay tribute to the ones that made Africa a unique continent.

Learn your mama’s language it’s your identity… Go make Africa proud of you among those you mimic but never forget it’s from the soil of your origin that earned you the brains you have and the potential within so always go back to where we all come from the soil traditions of Africa and live to make Africa proud okaaaay🤗🤗🤗.

For the love of Africa….As Nelson Mandela once said “if you talk to a man in a language he understands, it goes to his head, if you talk to a man in his language it goes to his heart. This is who we are we will go ahead and do greatest things because that’s what we are meant for but we become foolish when we cannot do the same with the traditions and lifestyle of our own soil …

Embrace your origin and never forget Africa bore you……….

To My Lucky and Gift…..

Hey daughter and son… You should know I wrote this at 19 in waiting for my future kids..Funny enough your names came up in the shower…… That’s how I got Lucky my daughter’s name and Gift my son’s name…

I am aware of the fact that some day you’d ask me why Lucky and why Gift… I don’t have an explanation either but I’ve got a vision for the two of you out of which you’ll find meaning in your names… Your mama has dreams and fears but she hopes the time she gets to meet the two of you she’d be ready to face her fears and watch you define her as a lucky and most gifted mama in the world.

This is a letter to my Lucky and Gift… Hey kids, yesterday I heard you say mama and papa are kinda harsh…. I got myself thinking I surely would not want my kids to view me in such a manner. In retrospect, I am here to say pappy and I are very sorry for creating a bad image in our Lucky and Gift… Am here to assure you that the world’s biggest dreams are all from me to my lucky and gifted kids. Am here to be your mother in the best way you’d want me to be because I want you to live life and feel life, loved in the best way, respected as you deserve, given standing ovation that has never been encountered as many times as you wish for as long as you’re happy… I want you to grow into strong, energetic, healthy, passionate, responsible young lady and gentleman… I want you to be your own brands, to give it your all and feel the world with utmost love….

I want to prepare you for heartaches which will happen once in a while and as I do that I also want you to be the wipers of mama’s and papa’s tears when each one of us gets hurt… From this you will realise that all that the world needs is a little bit of love. I want us to fight and explore this adventurous kind of life all together fighting and cuddling each other in love.

I want you to know am lucky and gifted to have you in my life… Because what more can a man ask for than a gift to enable him serve the world in the most passionate way and luck to do so by reaching his greatest heights? Mama and papa are never harsh…. Please let me be your best friend and you can always scold me whenever you want… Because am the most lucky and gifted mother in the universe…. That’s why you’re my Lucky gifts….

I love you Lucky and Gift and can’t wait to hold you in my arms… Your momma……

Great grandmother……..

Life they call it, an adventure I define it.

It’s fun sometimes, excruciating other times yet we live it.

Who can describe it ?

If you love, you can probably comprehend it.

I love it when I can love… I don’t really quite have the clear idea of it but giving a smile and being the reason for someone’s existence is love in itself.

I love the old aged and the young. I love everyone but I feel that virtue when I hear a kid say thank you and smile all the way home because of the snack they got from me,,, when an old grandmother says thank you with so much joy for helping them out with home chores, heavy luggage or perhaps spending sometime with them( this is specifically my one and only existing great grandmother . She stays all alone but whenever I visit she’s very grateful… I feel bad sometimes when she says she can’t remember me yet I visit her every holiday… But I never get tired of telling her am her proud granddaughter… We do here and there talk a little laugh and cry then I leave…. She’s happy and grateful for these small visits they keep her alive and healthy).

An aged grandpa or grandma are very entertaining, spend sometime with them you’ll not only learn but also laugh all your way through the conversation and cry as well. Moreover, kids are not any different, they remind us of our once existed innocence and by spending time with them, we discover the uniqueness bestowed in each child , as a result we want to watch each of them grow into that talent and uniqueness considering the fact that some of us never got to nurture their dreams and passions while young. And what about being the reason that kid can confidently show off their talents and giftings?

Back to my real subject…. Love…. It’s everywhere you just need to feel it and spread it. An article was written ” a soldier goes for a battle in a foreign country and all he thinks about are his family back home who are safe and sound…. It asks what about that kid who’s mom and dad were killed while watching? What do they think about? Don’t you think all they need is that soldier? To show them that love is the only answer…. ‘ I mean to say love gives meaning to life so please love and give it your all… It’s the healer of all tragedies the world has ever gone through….. And if you’d want to know better sit next to a grandma or grandpa have a feel of the past life.. You will appreciate history….

A preacher preached once and got me appreciative…” You can give without loving but you can never love without giving…. “Does it make some sense ? I hope it does.

Marcus Aurelius says” the only wealth you keep forever is that which you give away…” I say..”the only love you keep forever is the one you give away ”

I love you great grandmother.

Est-ce noble? Or am I making some sense…

I had been watching one quite educative documentary on YouTube… Then something hit my mind… As a youngster… I have had to see kids in worse circumstances than myself.. At times ,I wish I could give them what they lacked but, oh no, am just young like them I cannot afford enough to accommodate their needs. So I end up wishing when I grow up I’ll come up with my own children’s home that could soever all these kids from their various iniquities which includes degradation and dehumanization by other human beings.

However, while watching this documentary, I incurred a different view within self… This big dream of a youngster to put up a children home is as a result of the pain I saw in some child out there…. Who couldn’t go to school, lacked food, didn’t have a place to lay their heads , was under the scorching sun beseeching for some help for their perhaps ailing grandmother or mother or guardian.. Personally am a lover of Philippine soap operas, I love the way their commencements are quite emotional because I often end up crying the first three to four days…. Genuinely, a child shedding tears startles my emotions especially when the source is quite unexpected…

The documentary was about the foundations put up to host dejected and orphaned kids… Yet I couldn’t bring myself to relate with my dream… I remembered a mother… I had read a letter of an abandoned kid to her parents… I remembered the struggle of a village jobless mother who strives in the best legal manner to reach her kids needs and a teenager somewhere chased away from home due to unexpected pregnancy ; these circumstances caught my attention….

The child had written ,” Hey mom don’t you ever miss me? Oh I forgot you don’t know me, For what and why would you endure the 9 months? You fed me so well I wish you could see the young lady I have grown into. You did not have to throw me away because with you I believe I could have traveled this journey of life with more bravery than the fear within me. I understand you couldn’t think it all out back then neither can I justify the pain you go through at now; you probably feel guilty right? Or do you get some sleep at night NO you don’t because neither do I. Mother, I cry for the day you will find me because am very much alive waiting for you to tell me why?

After reading through the letter I also remembered an occasion where a mother had given up her child for adoption but years later she comes out requesting for her child back… These and so many other encounters changed my perspective about children… That besides the mere lack of shelter, food and education, a mother is very vital to their life but what happens that renders them out of the care and love of the one who bore them? I tend to think that a mother could not have underwent 9 months of pregnancy just to throw away that gift of a child…. And so I come up with a resolution to create homes for mothers and not homeless kids because it’s their mother’s thought that they could not handle raising these kids that they ended up throwing them away or leaving at some person’s door because that kid in the letter wants her mother to see the lady she’s grown into and wonders why then could her mom endure 9 months but not watch her grow into a responsible young Lady.

The Bible views a mother quite crucially… It asks a question in Isaiah “can a woman forget her nursing child that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? ‘ Although the statement that follows is an assurance that in spite of all that , God will not forget you.. I still wonder why the former question was asked…and finally this mother that goes after her adopted child answers it…She cannot forget…. No she cannot because of the bounding of a mother and a child and so she remembers that she actually spent 9 months with that kid in her womb how could she give her away so easily.? I find an answer and would like to provide a solution… She lacked and so she gave up and finally gave in.

A mother has no motif or whatsoever to deject her child never does she, however, her fear of being a ‘bad’mother and not being able to cater for her child’s needs leaves her helpless and hence she ends up making a decision that she leaves regretting for the rest of her life…’ Do you get some sleep at night NO you don’t…’ I nobly agree with this child her mother definitely suffers from “somnolence” because of the unbreakable bond she dared to break.

I now have a changed direction of a dream…. As a youngster says when I grow up I’d love and would be very privileged to see these mothers watch their children become the best they wanted them to be without having to throw them or give them out for adoption I want to a child rise up and call this mother blessed because out of her strength and dignity the child has learnt to become her mother. Timothy was raised up by women of faith and so his faith is referred to that of his grandmother and mother because a mother would want a child to grow up in the example of her own beliefs and mannerisms. The greatest joy to a mother is a child so why don’t we not snatch away this joy but instead lay in place a better foundation for the mothers to fulfill their biggest dream to mother their children?

All in all we are all by nature born to love so that love you’ve been hoarding within you is needed by some child somewhere spread it and let them not feel the absence of mama or daddy like that child writes in her letter…. We are born to love both our own and others because love conquers all evil.

Claudine loves you all!

Mothers that are never recognized those are my heroines.

What can I not say; my guku I call her mother without thinking twice . I believe that motherhood or parenthood to be precise is not all about donation of sperm and oocyte and the giving birth. The people that take up the preceding responsibilities are my heroes.

My shosh is a mother to not only my to mom, aunts and uncle but she has also fulfilled paternal and maternal responsibility to me , her granddaughter. I call her mother because she did what no mother could do, breastfeeding her daughter’s daughter without fear of what could happen because all you want is to see her survive the turmoil.

She is one in a million to me , every other mother’s day I embrace the motherhood of grandmothers , she not only brought up her kids but also raised her daughter’s kid . She underwent all sorts of toil and humiliation to bring up her daughter’s daughter. I love her I adore the strength within her because for me she is everything I will ever want.

I will celebrate you mother of my mother because more than anything you deserve to live better than a Queen and this I would promise that you will have all you desired for in life because you have played someone else’s part and played it better than them. When I tell the whole world this woman is my hero ,I mean it ,she is my guardian angel that I would never want to lose…

What can I say about her…. She is a simple but strict village woman who sells few little goodies to provide us with daily bread. She is the mother, father and grandmother in that home yet she manages to keep it all together and united…

Nabakolwe is her tribe name short and slender with one sharp voice….. She scares everyone but makes me the happiest… She is rarely home but I always feel her presence. I love this woman how better can I love her than give her the most spacious lifestyle. Mama I adore every womanhood in you, you are…….. Undescribable ….. If I were to choose my mother I would choose you a million times not because that is what you want but because you always taught me to forgive and forget that you only did what you were born for and not persuaded to.

You have taught me that being a mother is not all about giving birth to a child but also fulfilling better responsibilities in other’s kids is true motherhood because any woman is a mother. That in every life I live I should only spread love because it is the cure of all evil that I should grow up to not only become a successful young lady but most of all a mother to the motherless and a father to the fatherless because this is the biggest strength in a woman to looooove.

Wow she is a noble woman a gem that will leave a legacy in her generation…….

Mama am lost of words to describe you…. I only have memories that can never be described by writing…. Thank you for being my mother.